So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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