He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
