you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Hippo gnu deer
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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