hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
