It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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