even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
