Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
