As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
