I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
