last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
