I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
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