i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize