hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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