roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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