Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
