you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
