Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
