nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
