he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
are you still alive?
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
