I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
