um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
