I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
