fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
