I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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