Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
