I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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