It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
