So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
