It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
