i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize