I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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