there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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