just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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