You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
