this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
