I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
