I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Randomize
