What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I forgot wine drunk hurts
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
