I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
