First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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