If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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