Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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