i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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