Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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