drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
im holly from the hills drunk
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize