just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
