Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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