If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize