so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
