Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
