There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
