i just wanna soil my oats bro
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
