Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
