remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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