I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
