One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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