Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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