exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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