So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
