so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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