So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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