Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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