I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
