I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
