3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
