If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Can vaginas get frostbite?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
