Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Found the puke drawer
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize