Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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