Cold hands, warm shart.
2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
