I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
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