I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
