I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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