We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
