Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
