Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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