apparently the secret to your success is patron
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
