I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
