I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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