Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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