I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
My feet surprised me
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
