Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
