You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
