You made me cry and you don't even care
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
