This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
